Press On.

Picking yourself up after every fall,
Continuing with life as though everything is fine;
You put on a brave front.

Carrying on with daily activities as though nothing is wrong,
Your facade is so believable;
Yet,
Deceiving.

You make everything seem so easy;
As though losing something so precious,
Something you worked so hard for,
Something you once dreamt about daily,
Means nothing at all.

Let them all wonder how you got back on to your feet,
Leave them awed at how you rebounded back so effortlessly.
But never,
Ever,
Tell them about the battle inside you;

How you've let go of everything,
But yet,
Are still clinging on to that dim flicker of hope.
How your dreams still haunt you occasionally,
Mocking you.

You wish others knew that it isn't as easy as it looks,
You wish others knew that you're not that strong - you're no superman.
You wish,
Just wish,
That others could see how hard you're really trying.

But no matter;
Press on and be strong,
Because things will get better.
It might be stormy now,
But it can't rain on forever.

So busy with so many projects.
Been staying up until 3am the past few nights.
Eleanor, Jamie and Rebecca just left my house; we're finally done with the iPBL project. But we've still got the iBEST to do.
Haven't been to church for quite awhile.
Haven't been able to meet up with my friends.
Told them I've been really busy with school work and projects.
Many many times.
They probably don't believe me anymore.
They probably think it's some kind of excuse.
It's not.
If they really knew me,
If,
Then they would know that i wouldn't lie about such things,
They would know that i always put my friends before myself,
But i can't run away from the work load forever.
Tell me,
What do they know?

Don't be so quick to judge if you don't know the truth.

Dear diary,

I just spent 45min talking to my sister and trying to calm her down. Before that she was screaming her head off at the maid for some pretty unreasonable reason. She's always expecting people to attend to her needs before everyone else. Don't get me wrong, she's a nice and caring person, but she always has her moments.. many times.

I wish my sister wasn't so stubborn all the time. Her mindset's so rigid. You can never explain things to her because she keeps thinking that she's always right and that 'no one understands her'. Children. I've told her so many times to be more patient, that the maid isn't there to serve her only. Guess she doesn't remember what I've said. Again. Spoke to her for 45min in the most calming and patient manner that anyone could ever speak in. Not trying to be boastful, but i doubt many teenagers these would do that. They'll probably just scream their heads off and compete to see who can scream the loudest.

If i screamed at my maid last time, like how my sister shouted at the maid, i swear my mum would start caning me like hell. She used to cane me every day when i was little, no joke. Because i kept supposedly 'talking back' last time. I still remember back when i was in p3, i lied to my mum that i was sick so that i could skip school, and ting xie. Yes, i know, lame. But when my mum found out that i lied to her, she caned me for more than 5min straight. Cornered me and just whipped, whipped, whipped. I couldn't run or hide, it was scary. After that i got caning marks all over my body - wrists, hands, ass, back, legs, even fingers. The marks stayed there for a few days, all red and swollen, some parts of my skin split open too.

Children these days really have things easy. They just scream and shout and they can get whatever they want. Spoilt brats. Hope my sister doesn't continue to be like that in the future.

Hope people don't take things for granted.
Hope people don't take me for granted.

Till then,
Ethel

Dear diary,

I realised i like to run away from my problems. Actually, i kinda knew that already. And i don't like it. In Sec 2, things moved so quickly and before i knew it, i got really caught up in something. It was a mess. Didn't know what to do. I was so confused, freaked out, and stressed at the same time. So i dropped it. Dropped the problem. Just like that. After that, things became real awkward. Like really really awkward. Didn't talk to __ for 3 years, not a single word, even when we were beside each other. Only finally started talking just before my Sec 4 life ended. And why? Because i wanted nothing left unsaid. Had to say sorry. I felt like a crappy friend; still am.

I bet those reading this probably don't know what I'm talking about. It's okay, i don't want them to know. If you do know, don't say anything. And please, don't ask.

I suck at friendships, i really do. What kind of friend was i back then? Leaving like that; still running occasionally.

Anyway, my Sec 2 life is repeating again. It's scary. Not with the same person though. But i've been running from it again. I know the consequences, so hopefully, I'm not gonna run away anymore. I'll try, i guess. Hope i don't screw up another friendship.

Moving on, I really miss TK band. Not the current TK band, the previous one that i knew.
The one with the never-say-die attitude.
The one with so much discipline.
So much respect.
So much spirit.
So much fire.

The TK band that I'm seeing now is so.... Not TK band. Maybe I'm too backwards and still stuck in the past. But the state at which the band is in kinda disgusts me. Okay maybe disgust is too strong a word. But ask any band member, how proud are they to be in TK band?
It's time to wake up. To the current members, you've got nothing to your name. Stop acting so proud and stop being so complacent. You're not gonna win anything. At this rate, maybe the only thing you'll be known for is bringing the band down even more.
All of you talk a lot, too much. You all rave on about how you're gonna clinch the highest award in 2012, how you're gonna prove others wrong, but seriously? Look at yourselves for a moment.
You complain about the slightest bit of pain.
Everyone's so caught up with their own self-interests.
Everyone's giving up so easily.
I'll probably get flamed for this, i don't know. But all of this is just the truth.
Talk is cheap.
Actions speak louder than words.
Be the change you want to see.

Last time, it used to be 'How to lose?'
Now, honestly? 'How to win?'

I'm not asking for all of you to be perfect, i just want all of you to be the best that you can be.
And I'm sure that your best is far greater than what you are now.

Till then,
Ethel.

Totally lost for words. Nothing's going through my mind; nothing's in my mind.
I can't think properly anymore.
Or at least I think I can't think properly anymore..

Just learnt about some news today, don't know how to react to it.
Can't say it here either. I've got so much homework and lessons to catch up with since I missed 1 and a half weeks of school. It's crazy I swear. It's not helping that I've got no motivation to study at all. The stress is building up - It's as though it's there, but not there. Homework, friends, life. I need an outlet to vent everything, but I've got no right words to say. Words never mean what we want them to mean. I've got so much to say, but nothing to say.

Wonder who else reads this blog besides those 3 that I already know of. I need to get my life sorted out. I swear my mind is a chaotic piece of shit. I really need to stop reading too much into small things.

Anyway, it's March right now. Seems like yesterday that I was going through my JC1 orientation at school. Road race this Saturday, hope I can run off all my thoughts.

Time flies really fast. But I guess, we're the pilots.

Press On.

Picking yourself up after every fall,
Continuing with life as though everything is fine;
You put on a brave front.

Carrying on with daily activities as though nothing is wrong,
Your facade is so believable;
Yet,
Deceiving.

You make everything seem so easy;
As though losing something so precious,
Something you worked so hard for,
Something you once dreamt about daily,
Means nothing at all.

Let them all wonder how you got back on to your feet,
Leave them awed at how you rebounded back so effortlessly.
But never,
Ever,
Tell them about the battle inside you;

How you've let go of everything,
But yet,
Are still clinging on to that dim flicker of hope.
How your dreams still haunt you occasionally,
Mocking you.

You wish others knew that it isn't as easy as it looks,
You wish others knew that you're not that strong - you're no superman.
You wish,
Just wish,
That others could see how hard you're really trying.

But no matter;
Press on and be strong,
Because things will get better.
It might be stormy now,
But it can't rain on forever.

So busy with so many projects.
Been staying up until 3am the past few nights.
Eleanor, Jamie and Rebecca just left my house; we're finally done with the iPBL project. But we've still got the iBEST to do.
Haven't been to church for quite awhile.
Haven't been able to meet up with my friends.
Told them I've been really busy with school work and projects.
Many many times.
They probably don't believe me anymore.
They probably think it's some kind of excuse.
It's not.
If they really knew me,
If,
Then they would know that i wouldn't lie about such things,
They would know that i always put my friends before myself,
But i can't run away from the work load forever.
Tell me,
What do they know?

Don't be so quick to judge if you don't know the truth.

Dear diary,

I just spent 45min talking to my sister and trying to calm her down. Before that she was screaming her head off at the maid for some pretty unreasonable reason. She's always expecting people to attend to her needs before everyone else. Don't get me wrong, she's a nice and caring person, but she always has her moments.. many times.

I wish my sister wasn't so stubborn all the time. Her mindset's so rigid. You can never explain things to her because she keeps thinking that she's always right and that 'no one understands her'. Children. I've told her so many times to be more patient, that the maid isn't there to serve her only. Guess she doesn't remember what I've said. Again. Spoke to her for 45min in the most calming and patient manner that anyone could ever speak in. Not trying to be boastful, but i doubt many teenagers these would do that. They'll probably just scream their heads off and compete to see who can scream the loudest.

If i screamed at my maid last time, like how my sister shouted at the maid, i swear my mum would start caning me like hell. She used to cane me every day when i was little, no joke. Because i kept supposedly 'talking back' last time. I still remember back when i was in p3, i lied to my mum that i was sick so that i could skip school, and ting xie. Yes, i know, lame. But when my mum found out that i lied to her, she caned me for more than 5min straight. Cornered me and just whipped, whipped, whipped. I couldn't run or hide, it was scary. After that i got caning marks all over my body - wrists, hands, ass, back, legs, even fingers. The marks stayed there for a few days, all red and swollen, some parts of my skin split open too.

Children these days really have things easy. They just scream and shout and they can get whatever they want. Spoilt brats. Hope my sister doesn't continue to be like that in the future.

Hope people don't take things for granted.
Hope people don't take me for granted.

Till then,
Ethel

Dear diary,

I realised i like to run away from my problems. Actually, i kinda knew that already. And i don't like it. In Sec 2, things moved so quickly and before i knew it, i got really caught up in something. It was a mess. Didn't know what to do. I was so confused, freaked out, and stressed at the same time. So i dropped it. Dropped the problem. Just like that. After that, things became real awkward. Like really really awkward. Didn't talk to __ for 3 years, not a single word, even when we were beside each other. Only finally started talking just before my Sec 4 life ended. And why? Because i wanted nothing left unsaid. Had to say sorry. I felt like a crappy friend; still am.

I bet those reading this probably don't know what I'm talking about. It's okay, i don't want them to know. If you do know, don't say anything. And please, don't ask.

I suck at friendships, i really do. What kind of friend was i back then? Leaving like that; still running occasionally.

Anyway, my Sec 2 life is repeating again. It's scary. Not with the same person though. But i've been running from it again. I know the consequences, so hopefully, I'm not gonna run away anymore. I'll try, i guess. Hope i don't screw up another friendship.

Moving on, I really miss TK band. Not the current TK band, the previous one that i knew.
The one with the never-say-die attitude.
The one with so much discipline.
So much respect.
So much spirit.
So much fire.

The TK band that I'm seeing now is so.... Not TK band. Maybe I'm too backwards and still stuck in the past. But the state at which the band is in kinda disgusts me. Okay maybe disgust is too strong a word. But ask any band member, how proud are they to be in TK band?
It's time to wake up. To the current members, you've got nothing to your name. Stop acting so proud and stop being so complacent. You're not gonna win anything. At this rate, maybe the only thing you'll be known for is bringing the band down even more.
All of you talk a lot, too much. You all rave on about how you're gonna clinch the highest award in 2012, how you're gonna prove others wrong, but seriously? Look at yourselves for a moment.
You complain about the slightest bit of pain.
Everyone's so caught up with their own self-interests.
Everyone's giving up so easily.
I'll probably get flamed for this, i don't know. But all of this is just the truth.
Talk is cheap.
Actions speak louder than words.
Be the change you want to see.

Last time, it used to be 'How to lose?'
Now, honestly? 'How to win?'

I'm not asking for all of you to be perfect, i just want all of you to be the best that you can be.
And I'm sure that your best is far greater than what you are now.

Till then,
Ethel.

Totally lost for words. Nothing's going through my mind; nothing's in my mind.
I can't think properly anymore.
Or at least I think I can't think properly anymore..

Just learnt about some news today, don't know how to react to it.
Can't say it here either. I've got so much homework and lessons to catch up with since I missed 1 and a half weeks of school. It's crazy I swear. It's not helping that I've got no motivation to study at all. The stress is building up - It's as though it's there, but not there. Homework, friends, life. I need an outlet to vent everything, but I've got no right words to say. Words never mean what we want them to mean. I've got so much to say, but nothing to say.

Wonder who else reads this blog besides those 3 that I already know of. I need to get my life sorted out. I swear my mind is a chaotic piece of shit. I really need to stop reading too much into small things.

Anyway, it's March right now. Seems like yesterday that I was going through my JC1 orientation at school. Road race this Saturday, hope I can run off all my thoughts.

Time flies really fast. But I guess, we're the pilots.